Steven Wright quotes is what you need when you are looking for change in life or want to relieve yourself from all the stress.
We have titled this article as Steven Wright quotes because here, you will read many quotes from him. Some of those are quite humorous, and some are truly deep.
Steven Alexander Wright was born on December 6, 1955, in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
He is well known for his stand-up comedy and funny one-liners. Comedy Central once published a list of the 100 greatest comedians, and Steven Wright was in 23rd place. He is often recognized as the ‘king of one liners.’
After finishing college, he took stand-up comedy as a profession. But it took him years to ultimately reach the peak of success.
In 1982, he appeared in The Tonight Show, starring Johnny Carson and Johnny Carson himself, and the viewers were mesmerized by Steven’s comedic ability. So he once again decided to request Steven to come as a guest on the program. After that, Steven Wright never had to look back twice.
In 1985 Steven Wright was first nominated for “I Have a Pony,” which aired on Warner Bros Records. In Wright’s oddly toned and surprisingly timid voice, the viewers found him attractive. His perfectly timed dialogue throwing was also impressive, which made him stand out.
Steven Wright finally managed to bag an Oscar for his exceptional performance in the short film ‘The Appointments of Dennis Jennings’ and its producer Dean Parisot.
In 1992, Wright starred in a small screen sitcom named ‘Mad About You.’ Then in 1995, Wright did a voiceover for TBS’s Disaster Area cartoon block. In 1999 he wrote and directed a short film named ‘One Soldier.’
‘When The Leaves Blow Away’ came out in 2006 and was originally produced by Steven Wright. Right after that came his Grammy award-nominated album ‘I Still Have a Pony.’
Steven Wright is truly talented when talking about deadpan comedy or funny one-liners. No matter how bad your day was, Steven Wright quotes are always there to lighten up your mood. You need to find the quotes and read them.
In this article, you will have so many Steven Wright quotes in one place, and then you don’t have to search anymore.
So pull yourself together and sit down to read these quotes in a peaceful mind. We bet that these quotes will make you smile.
Without any further ado, let’s get started!
Steven Wright quotes funny
As we said before, Steven Wright is mostly known for his one-liners and stand-up comedy. So naturally, most of his famous quotes are quite funny.
We have collected some of the best Steven Wright quotes funny in this section:
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”
This quote is full of dark satire and perfectly makes sense.
There are times when people around us or the ones we love hurt us and give us pain. So we think there is nobody who cares about us. If you, too, think like this, that’s where you are wrong.
Some people might not care about you regularly. But they try to contact you or care about you exactly when they need something in return.
“For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.”
Steven Wright has ironically presented a funny line through this particular quote by making a slight change in Newton’s third law of motion.
According to Newton, no action goes unnoticed. One way or another, you have to face the consequences.
But according to Steven Wright, no action goes unnoticed, and you must face the criticism of others one way or another.
This is actually the truth when you take a closer look into the world of politics!
People are always going to talk even if you take the right step to do something different. First of all, you must know how to handle criticism if you are willing to take action.
But those criticisms don’t exactly match with each other. So it would help if you were ready to deal with a bunch of complex critics.
” You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
This one here too is one of funniest yet logical Steven Wright quotes. Here he is not wrong at all!
You truly cannot have everything you want. How could you ever do it when you can’t even remember each and every smallest detail around you?
Your brain has a particular capacity to hold information, which is sometimes left underused by you. So how could you think that you can get everything you want?
Make a selection of the things which are absolutely necessary to you. Spend some time to decide what really matters and what doesn’t. Fix your priority, and then go for it.
” My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.”
We all know that Charles Darwin was famous for his evolution theory. This theory goes by the phrase ‘survival of the fittest.’
According to him not all the species in this world have the ability to evolve or survive for that matter. Only those who are fitter than others can do that.
Also, we are the product of evolution and the great apes were the predecessors of ours. So, the modern Homo Sapiens Sapiens are the evolved version of Homo Erectus.
But here is the twist. Steven Wright never thinks that Charles Darwin too was a result of this type of evolution. He thinks that Darwin was originally adopted from the apes!
Famous Steven Wright quotes
Steven Wright may be well known for his amazing comedic sense. But some of his one-liners bear deep meanings.
For years a selection of Steven Wright quotes have gained a huge popularity among folks who are seekers of this kind of dark humour.
In the following paragraphs, we have written some of the most famous Steven Wright quotes you might have heard before. But it won’t hurt to come across them again and realise what they actually mean.
” It is a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.”
We want to start this section by explaining this particular quote by Steven Wright. This line is of grave importance if you look closely.
They say that the world is really small. It can be explored so easily by those willing to do it.
But according to Steven Wright, the world is not as small as people might think. The world is rather big and in case you somehow decide to put some colours on it, that would be totally time consuming work.
So that’s why Steven Wright ironically said that though the world is small, it would be better for him if he doesn’t even try to mess with it!
” Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.”
This quote is one of the best Steven Wright quotes he has ever said. You too will think about it deeply when you realise what that actually means.
Sometimes some things might seem so far away that you can’t even think about getting it for real.
But if you have a positive mindset and ultimate will to cross a boundary, you can get what you want.
Everything depends on what your mindset is. If you don’t have that much willpower to get something, you can’t reach it even if it is much closer to you.
Basically distance doesn’t seem to matter that much if you are really willing to reach your target.
” If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
This quote is truly an excellent example of Steven Wright’s satirical ability.
They say if you fail at something for the first time, do it again and again until you learn to do it with perfection.
But this doesn’t exactly apply when it comes to skydiving!
What happens when you fail at skydiving for the first time in your life? You are straight to the ground from the top, and most likely, you are dead too.
So apparently, you won’t get a second chance to do it right, which makes perfect sense.
” When everything is coming in your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
Life is difficult, and so is living. We do not usually get everything that we want so easily.
If we do get everything according to our demands, how could we learn to appreciate it? Happiness doesn’t make sense until we endure a long period of suffering.
If you are constantly getting things without even asking, there’s probably something wrong in your life. Maybe you have not exactly figured out yet what life actually is supposed to mean.
Best Steven Wright quotes
Here are some of the best Steven Wright quotes overall:
” Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into the jet engine.”
This line is a metaphor where Steven Wright has ironically presented the sad reality of society.
Eagles tend to fly higher and higher in the sky, which makes them terrifying and attractive at the same time. But sometimes, they fly too high that they get stuck into the jet engines, and eventually, they die.
So it would be best if you don’t try to be an absolute seeker of success or if you do, you must be careful in the process. Remember that there is always someone to take you down rather than inspire you for good!
“Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.”
Steven Wright here satirically has differentiated between hard work and laziness. He wanted to show us how laziness provides instant results, and hard work tends to provide results later.
If you work hard in the present, you don’t know how you will benefit from it. There is just an assumption that it will pay off in the future.
But when you are lazy, that means you get instant benefits. You are not doing anything in the present, and so you can relax as much as you want. Also, you can feel the consequences before you!
” I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.”
Sometimes it is best not to try to find someone to get into a relationship with. You and your imagination are enough to keep you company. You would start to like yourself better than you did in the past.
So when nobody is around you anymore, never think of yourself as a longer. Your mind is there for you, and once you start to learn its actual potential, you won’t need anyone anymore, almost!
” All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.”
Do you know what psychokinesis is? It is a theory of a particular psychic ability where a person can perform some activities without physical involvement.
If you are psychokinetic, you don’t need to use your hand to move an object. You can do it with your mind.
So as a psychokinetic, you are not only able to raise your hand, but you can also make someone raise their hand.
That is what Steven Wright is trying to say here. If anyone in the crowd is psychokinetic, prove it to him.
Steven Wright quotes are not very short in numbers. So we had to choose from a vast collection of equally good quotes. Hope you liked them all!
We are sure that you realized how deep Steven Wright quotes influence is while going to the entire article. They all are still relevant today, and people take an interest in those quotes.